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, 2006 Static and Feedback
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Find an alternative to alcohol
poisoning this Valentine's Day!

Our romance expert's tips to a great V-day


Valentines Day is almost always miserable, even for people
who are in happy couples. Too much pressure is put on
one holiday, and it usually blows up in everyone’s face. The
girls, no matter what they say, want jewelry and at least a
dozen flowers – and probably more commitment than their
date is willing to give. The boys assume a card ought to
suffice and they don’t bother to get dressed up. They show
up expecting sex, and they wind up getting the cold shoulder
instead. If you are single on Valentines Day, you probably
don’t revel in your freedom, but instead lament your loneliness. You decide, for some ungodly reason, that you
want that plush cat that says “you’re purrrrfect,” in a satin heart pillow, and you can’t escape Celine Dion and
Bette Midler blasting ballads on Top 40 radio.

The truth is that everyone should just take a deep breath, relax, and realize that the opposite sex (or the same
sex for that matter) is probably more trouble than they’re worth.

However, if you still want to get into the spirit of the holiday, there are some ways to do so that are pretty painless.
Buy yourself a jug of Zinfandel, throw on some bright red sweatpants, and rock out to the least sappy love songs
ever written.

Here is
my Top 40 Valentines Day radio, and while it’s not in order of preference, this line-up is perfect for
making yourself a V-day mix tape. And if you’re looking for something to write in a construction paper heart, try
some of the lyrics from these pieces. They’re sure to get you points for originality.

Dearest So-and-so,
In the words of Dismemberment Plan, “If I don’t have sex by the end of the week I am going to die!” So, why don’t
you save a life?!
Your Secret Admirer

1. “Help Me (She’s Out Of Her Mind)” - Stereophonics
2. “Why Don’t We Do It in the Road?” -  The Beatles
3. “Kissing The Lipless” - The Shins
4. “The Bronx” - Cracktorch
5. “Is This Love” - Cake
6. “Gonna Make You Love Me” - Ryan Adams
7. “I’m The Man Who Loves You” - Wilco
8. “Anything You Want” - Spoon
9. “She Gave Good Sunflower” - The Black Crowes
10. “I am Always the One Who Calls” - Pedro The Lion
11. “Girl O’Clock” - Dismemberment Plan
12. “Satisfaction” - Cat Power
13. “Your Time To Change” - Pavement
14. “Blame It On The Tetons” - Modest Mouse
15. “Stupid” - The Long Winters
16. “My Guitar” - Jump, Little Children
17. “It’s Over” - The Fire Theft
18. “Whole Lotta Love” - Led Zeppelin
19. “Love” - Elefant
20. “Bohemian Like You” - The Dandy Warhols
21. “The Misery Love Co.” - The Spaceshots
22. “Should I Stay Or Should I Go” - The Clash
23. “Get Up (I Feel Like Being a) Sex Machine” - James Brown
24. “Take It Or Leave It” - The Strokes
25. “Try A Little Tenderness” - Otis Redding
26. “Women Help To Create The Kind of Men They Despise” - Lambchop
27. “Turn Out the Light” - The Music
28. “Anna Begins” - Counting Crows
29. “Still Heart” - Cree Summer
30. “Meet Me in the Tower” - Ours
31. “They’re Red Hot” - Red Hot Chili Peppers
32. “Always” - The Mayfield Four
33. “This is Our Emergency” - Pretty Girls Make Graves
34. “The Nurse Who Loved Me” - Failure
35. “Strange Eyes” - Year of the Rabbit
36. “Light My Fire” - The Doors
37. “Hard to Handle” - Patti Drew
38. “Amie” - Damien Rice
39. “I Cried For You” - Billie Holiday
40. “I’ll Never Fall in Love Again” - Jack Jones